Getting Old

So, it appears that the current trend for getting old is this: One should continue to act as though you were still in your 20's, get as many face lifts as possible to keep that youthful look, and wear hideous clothing while dancing like an idiot. And don't forget about the numerous people it will take to cater to your every desire.... And massive amounts of cash.

I was recently at a concert held in WI for a celebrity whom will remain nameless. This star, one we have seen riding the musical wavelengths for 35+ years has come to be associated with Allicia Silverstone and the Lord of the Rings for his offspring (think beautiful elf). This musical diva is frineds with a very well known Guitar Hero, as well as having a face to die for.....(no...really, 6 too many facelifts).

So I have found that there are several very simple rules to follow if you would like to grow old the way this well known musician has.

RULES TO GROW OLD:

Rule 1: Get a band.

Rule 2: Grow your hair out really long

Rule 3: Do a lot of drugs

Rule 4: Love Lolipops

Rule 5: As your skin starts to sag....get a plastic surgon to help you pick it back up

Rule 6: Wear pleanty of makeup

Rule 7: Lots of liquer

Rule 8: Wear tight clothes with lots of sparkle on them

Rule 9: Dance as though you were still in your 20's....without breaking a hip

Rule 10: Expect that everyone will bow down to your every wish, that people will be flocking the streets to see you, and that at 65, you still have what it takes.

Rule 11: Don't Retire

Rule 12: Do what you please. If you actually believe that you deserve everything you want, most people will be so awe struck that they won't be able to help but to give you everything you ask for.

Following these simple rules will guarentee that you end your life with tons of adoring fans, lots of money, and shreds of dignity left to your name.

Happy Growing Old

College Afterlife

This is the time in my life when I am supposed to have all the answers.... HA. I can't manage to keep my checking account out of the red, I graduated from College with a BA in BS.... and my children are out of control. What am I going to do next when I get out of grad school, and still can't find a real job because they just aren't out there for anyone who doesn't have a solid understanding of what they wanted to be when they grew up. There are so many college students that are out here still working the crap jobs because they can't find an in. What did we go to school for? Why did we spend all those hours praying and studying, and pulling our hair out trying to get through our skulls the skills the instructors deemed necessary to become a better citizen with a bright future? We have graduated....NOW WHAT?

The economy in the shithole that it is in leads me to believe that McDonalds may be the best offer some of us will get. Minimum wage is staring us in the eyes and laughing at us. Is there a way to get ahead?

Some of the greatest tips I have learned so far is to stop living paycheck to paycheck....but hell, let's be honest, sometimes I need two checks just to have enough money to pay the bills that are due in the middle of the month. So, How do I do this? How does the money suddenly stop being such an issue? I have read more books on finance than most people I know, yet I still feel stupidly unaware of the delicate balance between completely on my ass broke, and just floating above the "I can't find any more change to put in the gas tank.". Is there some magic trick to not being broke?

Ok, so really, I don't need the 400.00 a month car payment.....I don't need the 130.00 month cellular bill... I could pay off my credit card...eventually, and get my credit score up to the place it needs to be, but really....that takes time, and I feel sometimes that the creditors don't know that, or care.

Damn, I'm screwed.